When tensions run hot? Tips on how to facilitate difficult issues in your community

Editor's note: This article is an edited excerpt from an article first published in Cohousing magazine's Summer 1997 issue.

As you travel the road of cooperative process, you'll occasionally stumble on some pretty big potholes. These often stem from agenda items that seem trivial at first, but end up with the group splintered and bickering. It's amazing how quickly a group can get stuck in a quagmire of confusion and anger.

As a facilitator, you want to be alert to potential problem issues so that you can address them proactively. The key to success is to plan each meeting carefully by mapping out a strategy for dealing with each item on the agenda, especially any that might be sensitive or controversial. Think about “what if” scenarios. What if Sara gets emotional about this and yells again? What technique will I use to get the maximum discussion in the minimum amount of time? Is there a way I can make this fun?

The longer you are together in a group, and the more you know about the personalities and relationships of community members, the easier it will become for you to spot "hot" issues. During day-to-day interactions, be on the lookout for issues and situations that have the potential to flare up. For instance, if there is no vegan option offered at three common dinners in a row, and a person who eats only vegan foods adds an agenda item to the meeting about dinner, you may find it useful to have a private conversation prior to the meeting to scope out more information about this person's feelings. The more you pay attention to the group dynamic around you that unfolds daily, the better prepared you will be for the issues that might arise when you facilitate. Good facilitation is not only what happens during meetings – it also involves keeping alert to community issues and knowing your cohousing neighbors.

When a contentious issue arises, you also should examine your own emotional investment. If you feel strongly about a particular issue, you should consider asking someone else to facilitate. Nothing will lose the trust of a group more than a facilitator who uses the group process to move the group to a particular outcome.

Strategies for handling contentious issues:

• A key question in working with conflicts is “why?” Why do you feel so strongly about this? Why are you shouting? Why do you have such angst over this issue? Why do you think that way? Learn to ask for clarification when an issue becomes a conflict. Be gentle as you probe for someone's reasons but get as much information as you can. Once you know why an individual is so emotionally charged, you'll have more options for working out a desirable outcome.
• Suggest a trial solution using a specific time frame. “Let's try this for three months and evaluate it.” A trial solution will give you some experience and then you will be in a better position to make an informed decision. Sometimes a person's angst comes from the fear of the unknown, so by trying out new ideas you can learn from experience and then readjust later as needed.
• Don't make it personal, and don't let it become personal. If community members disagree about an idea or concept, frame the discussion around the idea, not the people who are in conflict. Encourage the entire group to help solve the problem by brainstorming ideas and examining pros and cons.
• Define your goals. Sometimes people who won't agree about the details of an issue can agree on the goals that you want to accomplish. Then you can sort out the specifics later, as they relate to your agreed upon goals. “What are we trying to accomplish by doing this?” is a good way to approach the challenge.
• Sometimes an issue boils down to a disagreement between a couple of people. Often these folks benefit from some time away from the rest of the group so that they can talk directly to each other. Do a deliberate defocusing by temporarily adjourning the meeting. Let people go get food, relax in the sun, gather in small groups to talk or walk in the woods. If time concerns make it impossible to take a long break, take a five-minute “silent thinking” break where the goal is to reflect quietly on the issue. Often this change of atmosphere helps people think through a conflict and come up with ideas for resolution. Use breaks as a tool for bringing people together.

If you are new to facilitation, these suggestions may at first seem to be impossibly complex. As your experience grows, you will find that community issues that raise divergent views are not something to avoid or hide from, but interesting and demanding challenges that help you learn and grow. One of the best feelings you can experience as a facilitator is the satisfaction of helping your community successfully resolve a difficult issue.