One of the toughest challenges communities face is how they reach decisions. Although consensus is the ideal for many cohousing projects, let’s flirt with the idea that there is an alternative decision-making process. “I was ready to listen,” says Sharon Villines of Takoma Village Cohousing (Washington, DC) when she was told “sociocracy is a way to govern ourselves that respects the equal value of all persons as individuals and that produces more effective, responsive, transparent and productive organizations.”

The first two years of living in Doyle Street Cohousing (Emeryville, CA), we scheduled workdays one Saturday a month for six hours. There were one or two coaches, and resident volunteers could come or go fixing whatever the coach(es) previously had decided needed to be fixed. It was completely voluntary – and a total disaster.

Most of us don't realize that our wider society is dysfunctional because it's just ourselves, doing what we habitually do, but multiplied and magnified by millions of people. When we see governments or corporations using manipulative, controlling or punishing behaviors, through threats, terrorist attacks or outright war, it frightens and disgusts us. But when we do the small-scale versions of these same ploys ourselves, we don't see it. We may revile "terrorists," but what about our own choice of words and tone of voice this morning with our partner or child? Those of us who think we do these behaviors the least are often the ones who do them the most. The more spiritual we imagine we are, the harder it is to see it.

When people choose to live in community, they hold a commitment to a relationship with each other. The value of this relationship – and the energy that goes into maintaining it – is what creates community. People choose this lifestyle expressly to create and experience a sense of belonging to the group. This is the fundamental reason why almost all cohousing communities use consensus, and why it works as well as it does.