Recording Library - Conflict

When people live and work together, even the really great people who come to cohousing, conflict is a source of both frustration and growth. As groups build skill in working productively with conflict the frustration is less and the growth is more. These sessions support communities in doing just that. 

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“I love them, but…” Constructively Addressing Values Differences & Conflict in Community
Cohousing Over Time
Georgia Handforth

This is a structured discussion designed to explore the experiences and concerns of longtime cohousers, those seeking community, and everyone in between around how to navigate conflicts and values differences in community. We will draw on lived experiences to practice communication and coaching skills that can be brought back to home communities.

Care and Counsel in Cohousing
Connecting in Cohousing
Gina Simm

A Menu of Offerings to Keep Ourselves Connected: I will present a comprehensive view of how connection in community can be sustained through a formalized system of social/emotional offerings. Attendees will gain a sense of how the community is being cared for from both the point of view of individuals in distress and of the community at large. This presentation is for anyone interested in how we attend to the emotional pulse of the community.

Conflict Resolution – everyone needs to be accountable
Connecting in Cohousing
Alan O’Hashi

We will learn how to hold moving targets accountable for their roles in a conflict. The target becomes a bystander, the instigator becomes the victim, the ally becomes a bully. Run of the mill disagreements in a community is not like the criminal justice system where there is a bad guy who must pay for their actions.

Conflict: Interpersonal or Systemic
WebChat #18
Liz Magill

Conflict: Interpersonal or Systemic
Liz talks us through how a community support committee can determine whether a conflict presented to them is an interpersonal conflict involving only a couple of people or a systemic problem needing a full community solution.

Supporting Documents:
Culture Change and Personal Transformation
WebChat #31
Joe Cole

Community invites us to personal transformation in many ways, including through conflict. Joe shares strategies for working with conflict in community. He also explains how our work in community can help address systemic racism, particularly if we are intentional about naming it and paying attention to how racism shows up for us as individuals and in community.

Dealing Effectively with Especially Challenging Community Behaviors
WebChat #37
Diana Leafe Christian

After serving as a consultant for cohousing communities and other kinds of intentional communities and living in community herself for many years, Diana has seen four kinds of disturbing, disruptive behaviors that become painful and disheartening for the group. She will share what seems to work well in better understanding and dealing effectively with each of these kinds of challenging behaviors in community. (This is an encore of Diana’s previous WebChat that was interrupted by technical difficulties.)

Embracing Conflict
WebChat #30
Karen Gimnig

Conflict is part of community life. When we embrace conflict as an opportunity for growth and learn the skills to engage productively, conflict can result in more connection and stronger relationships.

Facilitated Discussion on Conflict
Connecting in Cohousing
Joe Cole

A conversation about reconnecting and restoring relationships after a difficult conflict or fracture in the community. Conflict occurs in every community, and some of those conflicts have lasting impacts across the community. Everyone is welcome to come and share their experience, learning and thinking about how to navigate the grief, loss, and disappointment that can remain after the primary conflict is resolved.

How Conflict Leads to Consensus
Connecting in Cohousing
Martie Weatherly

Welcome Conflict! How do we do that?
• Listen with honor and respect
• Don’t shy away from people who are ‘different’.
• Discover common values.
• Be curious about finding common ground.
• Interactive with Q&A along the way

Keynote With Shilpa Jain
Connecting in Cohousing
Shilpa Jain

As West African elder, Malidoma Somé says, “Conflict is the spirit of the relationship asking itself to deepen.” Join YES! Executive Director Shilpa Jain for a heart-opening and thought-provoking conversation on building bridges and working with conflicts. She’ll offer a look at what stands in our way as well as share a few practices to bring more awareness and better equip ourselves to transform breakdowns into breakthroughs — to bring forth connection, wholeness, and healing, for ourselves, each other and our world.

Supporting Documents:
Personal Growth: Maybe the Most Important Reason for Cohousing
WebChat #39
Karen Gimnig

Cohousing is sometimes called the longest personal growth workshop ever. At the same time, we’re sometimes afraid to mention this to potential cohousers we don’t want to scare off. In this WebChat, Karen celebrates the tremendous power of cohousing to make us better humans. She also explains why growth is such a reliable part of cohousing, shares strategies for getting the most growth out of our cohousing experience and gives some tips on what to do when it is someone else’s growth we’d like to make happen.

Pets, Parenting, Parking & Pandemics
Life is Better Together
Joan Huntley, Angela Sullivan, Chris Rodriguez

These Casa Verde Commons members will talk about things that can lead to conflict within a community and how the consensus process helps resolve them. Sometimes conflict resolution evolves into new CVC’s policies. Joan and Angela will provide insight into policy development and approval.

Power, trauma and conflict transformation in Community
The Heart of Community
William Aal

Explore the nature of conflict, how power dynamics and trauma impact conflict. Discover how to use healthy conflict to improve relationships in community.

Talk to Each Other: Resolving Conflict by Connecting
The Heart of Community
Elizabeth Magill

Resolving most conflict requires a reconnection of the conflicted parties. But how do we get them to talk to each other? What should we say? What are we listening for? What if they refuse? We’ll discuss the how to help your neighbors engage with conflict.

Supporting Documents:
To Matter and Belong
Sharing and Caring
Gina Simm

Case study of the systems that Pioneer Valley Cohousing Community has put in place through their Care and Counsel Circle