Birthing a cohousing community is a long, multi-year process. It took us 7 years to move from the start of development of Heartwood Commons – Tulsa to moving into our homes in the late summer of 2024. With COVID, material increases, and home price adjustments; there were times we weren’t certain the project would survive. Through the process, we gained and lost future neighbors that we had come to call friends along the way. But thanks to a strongly committed community and excellent advisors, we finally made it!

What a difference a year makes!

We were told to expect the first year to come with challenges. I’m so grateful for the advice of veteran cohousers.

At first, we were simply focused on getting moved into our new homes. We had boxes to pack and unpack – so many boxes. Our recycling bin was full and overflowing. Our Common House wasn’t yet finished so we gathered in our cluttered living rooms and on our porches, then fell into bed exhausted at the end of each day. It was hard to focus on growing community under those conditions.

Thankfully, we had planned ahead and developed our governance structure early. We had our teams, subteams, and processes that we would need for living together already in place before anyone moved in. For example, our Common Meals subteam researched how other communities organized their meals, got input from our members, and developed our plan. So when it was time to start our meals, we could tweak it based on our lived experience rather than starting from scratch while juggling moving in.

Navigating the first year involved a significant adjustment to shared living and decision-making.

For me, surviving this transition required practicing patience, listening more, and embracing new ways of community participation.

Here are a few of the lessons I learned along the way:

It’s not perfect, and it’s wonderful. As a founding member, I’ll admit to having really high expectations, even unrealistic ones. While cohousing offers many benefits, it is not all rainbows and lollipops. Words get misunderstood, feelings get hurt, and of course not everyone becomes your best friend. But in cohousing, I know my neighbors care about me, and I care about them.

Focusing on gratitude helps. Intentionally focusing on the positive aspects of living in community really does help balance the inevitable frustrations.

Cohousing is additive. Cohousing is designed to add to your existing life, not be your life. Keeping my other non-cohousing relationships and interests active is so important.

Acceptance of neighbors’ imperfections. Being open to how my neighbors express their values and styles different than I do helps build positive relationships – meaning not everyone has to run a meeting, fold the napkins, make decisions, or do things the way I do.

Acceptance of my own imperfections. I’m learning to give myself some grace. I’ve lived alone for many years. It’s going to take some time and practice for me to learn to live in community. I don’t always get things right. Apologize when I don’t. And, I remind myself every day that this is exactly what I wanted.

Engage in social activities. An introvert at heart, I’m learning the importance of engaging in planned and spontaneous social activities. It’s equally important to while walking the dog to stop by the porch gathering down the way as it is to attend the common meal.

Today, a year later, Heartwood Commons is a thriving cohousing community. And, I am a thriving Heartwood Commoner.

Reflecting on this process, I’m reminded of the physical land and environment that surrounds us. When we first moved in, we were living in a dirt patch that sometimes became a muddy swamp. Our horticulture team did a great job of educating and mentoring us, and tending the land. Today, we live in a community of lush, green grounds filled with native flowering plants, bountiful gardens, and butterflies at every turn.

This took time, effort, and a little trial and error. Not unlike building a cohousing community from the ground up.

Three homes are for sale at Heartwood Commons and I can’t wait to introduce our final three home owners to living and loving life here.

In our first year since move-in, Heartwood Commons, has become a vibrant, progressive cohousing community for active adults in one of our country’s most livable cities. Tulsa features a small town feel with all the amenities of a larger city but without the hassles.

Over 1/3 of my neighbors have joined us from across the country because they are attracted to an affordable, low cost of living and the friendly, progressive culture. They’ve brought with them a diversity of experiences and backgrounds that have enriched our community.

Whether you’re local to Oklahoma, or you’re just up for an adventure with your next phase in life, now is the time to learn more about Heartwood Commons – Tulsa and the three 2-bedroom homes for sale. Prices on these home are among the lowest of those currently available in the country and make for a great cohousing value. Learn more at www.heartwoodcommonstulsa.com or call Suzy at 918.519.5298.